Mad hatters

The world is full of madmen, they say, and we are all mad in one sense or the other. Is that right, I wonder again and again... are all of us equally mad?

I just heard from an old boy that their overhead water tank was overflowing, and the housewife next door - a middle-aged mother - drew their attention by throwing a brick and breaking a window.

And my wife says she was shopping at a women's wear outlet in Calcutta where there was this fat middle-aged woman trying out all sorts of fancy clothes appropriate for skinny teenagers and loudly proclaiming to anybody who'd listen that she didn't care about the price tag, because her lockers were chock-full of black money.

And amidst this blistering heat I can see whole families gorging on phuchka (paani-puri) by the roadside at ten o' clock in the night...

Yikes!

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home . I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too- even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship , don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for! the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Your loving daughter,

Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.

I love you

[Many thanks for the input to Subhadip Dutta]

A big loser

An old boy told me about a classmate in the English department of one of the most 'prestigious' colleges in Calcutta, who had been told by her professor to read and report about Irving Stone's magnificent fictionalized biography of the great Italian renaissance artist Michelangelo, The Agony and the Ecstasy.

Her report was 'This Michelangelo was a big loser'.

Imagine the kind of wife, mother, teacher and citizen this creature is going to become...

A touching thank you

Someone very recently wrote 'Thank you for this blog. Life's a bundle of worries and troubles, but it's good to know that every time I visit this site I can find something to smile over, and sometimes to laugh'.

My day is made. There's no better feeling than the knowledge that you have managed to make some people smile...

The richie rich

Among the people who most fascinate me are those who have so much money that they don't have to work for a living. The reason I am fascinated is that it so often happens that instead of being lazy dullards living sybaritic, inconsequential lives, they turn out to be among the most creative people, contributing things of incalculable value to civilisation. The Roman philosopher emperor Marcus Aurelius was one such. So was Tolstoy (until he gave it all away), and Tagore, and Lord Kelvin the chemist, and Ludwig Wittgenstein (he too chose poverty). I could name dozens more. And so many of them keep working either because they are workaholics, or because they are addicted to the fame and money, or because they have found only work keeps them sane - look at Steve Jobs, and Sachin Tendulkar.

So what has Ms. J.K. Rowling been doing these three years since the last Harry Potter book was released? Can somebody find out and tell me?

Techie talk

A young man who has been seeing the ins and outs of the IT industry in India with wide-open eyes has sent me the following list of definitions. I don’t think I need to add any comments. Enjoy. And I hope this will be read by a lot of teenagers (and their mothers) who still think becoming an IT techie is the next best thing to winning a Nobel Prize…

Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Business Analyst is the one who convinces clients why they don't need a baby.

Account Manager is the one who thinks that it is more important to know why the baby is not there than to have a baby.

Delivery Manager is one who ensures a baby irrespective of whether it is donkey's, monkey's or human baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks if nine women can deliver nine babies in nine months, one woman can deliver one baby in one month.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always says that this is not the right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that...

a donkey can deliver a human baby - if given 9 months !!!